She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
Randomize
