Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
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