I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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