You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
i barfeds in our rink
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Randomize
