just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
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