I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
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