I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
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