boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
Randomize
