yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
