remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
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