Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
Randomize
