I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Randomize
