obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
