Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
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