i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
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