My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
home. puking in laundry basket.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
Randomize
