Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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