I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
