Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Randomize
