question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
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