If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
Randomize
