kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
