In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Randomize
