were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
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