I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Randomize
