this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
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