They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
Randomize
