Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
