saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
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