Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
