worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize
