You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
