When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
