i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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