At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
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