i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
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