Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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