I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
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The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
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He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
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