Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
