I feel great
I just peed on a car
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
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