I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
