I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
I just forgot I was standing up.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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