Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
True strength comes from lack of pants
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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