but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
Randomize
