Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
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