new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Randomize
