I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
The air was thick with penises
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
Help. Why am I so naked?
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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