Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
I wear drunk well.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Randomize
