Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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