No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
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