Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
