let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
