you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
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