i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Randomize
