Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
Randomize
