This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
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