she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
