$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
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This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
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It's like a toaster oven for my penis
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
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