I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
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