When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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